Right, I have thawed out (not helped by a visit to the International Antarctic Centre in Christchurch, where I was lucky enough to experience an Antarctic wind which took the temperature down to a brisk minus 42 degrees - almost as cold as Methven. Somewhat unsurprisingly, the lesson I took from this that winds in the Antarctic are bloody cold and generally very unpleasant, who could have guessed? Firstly, congratulations to the victorious Holmes Team, who took home the wing last weekend. Secondly, I suppose I should congratulate the US Ryder Cup Team who actually managed to deliver on their promise last week. That's quite enough of being gracious, even as a ex-pat Brit, I have my limits Following last week's attempt to play golf with ice cubes for hands, I have come up with an idea, and even if I say so myself, I reckon I am on to something. A quick search of the internet has confirmed that I am, indeed, a genius, and I will now be patenting the (wait for it): "Heated Trundler Handles"! Yes, with my fabulous new invention, you can be the envy of your friends as you walk around the golf course enjoying your winter sport (!) with lovely warm hands. Hands that have been brought back to a semblance of human normality by way of a small heating element (bare electrical wire under the foam grip) powered by easily accessible existing tech (a battery). Never again feel like your hands are vibrating more than the average tuning fork after you thin a ball that feels like a lump of concrete (for warm balls, see my other new invention, the "Thermos Ball Warmer" patent pending). Smirk at your fellow players as they huff and puff helplessly into their hands, desperate to regain some feeling in their near frost-bitten digits. Never fear those feel shots around the green on a cold day again as your partners painfully thin their balls across the icy greens. All for a very reasonable cost, and with only a small risk of mild electrocution. Speaking of which, I seem to remember watching an "experiment" where someone tried to hit a golf shot while one of their "friends" submitted them to shocks at the start of their downswing, with predictable results. A quick search of the internet reveals that there is even an attempt to create a "sport" of this, using those pet control collars that are supposed to help you control your errant dog (try treating it like an actual dog and training it properly) - there is a 30 minute video on you tube if you want to watch it, personally, I don't. And I definitely do not want to participate in this particular extreme sport I have actually tried many so-called extreme sports, including bungee jumping, climbing, parachuting, various endurance sports all of which, while classified as "extreme" are actually incredibly safe as long as you follow all of the various satety rules and regulations (for example: always make sure you are attached to your parachute). There seems to be a paradox that beginners in these sorts of pastimes are far safer than the experts, who tend to push the envelope a bit further leading to circumstances they cannot extricate themselves from. Of course, there are some extreme sports that are more dangerous: base-jumping is just downright daft, as there is literally no room for error. Then there are those guys in wing-suits who like to see if they can thread the eye of the needle by "flying" through rock formations or between buildings - they are nuts. But, without these seemingly insane nut-jobs, there is an argument that believes that without them, we would all still be living in caves, or trees, or maybe even the oceans. It takes people pushing the limits of what is deemed possible to pull the human race along behind them. Flying is the perfect example - humans have always wanted to fly, and while early attempts led to serious injury or death, eventually we got the hang of it thanks to brave men (and women) willing to take that extra bit of risk the rest of us were unwilling to take. Now, we think nothing of hopping onto a plane that will carry us up to dizzying heights and back down again, all in the name of convenience and speed. Now golf is of course, not an extreme sport. We do not get an adrenalin buzz out of a ten foot putt. Maybe an endorphin high, but that's about it. In fact the top pros proactively try to reduce their adrenalin levels to give themselves a steadier platform from which to perform I guess you could say that golf is a counter-sport to the high octane stuff, and as I get older, I for one am very grateful for that Still, I offer my thanks to those willing to try something new, speaking of which, if anyone would like to finance my little handle-bar venture, please feel free to get in touch Stay safe, stay warm and play well Steve |