There we have it, 2021 almost done and dusted. It has been a year of years. We have seen ups, and some downs (lock type ones in particular). We were free, and then we weren't In other words, it's been a year in the new Post Covid World where no-one is quite sure what the hell is going to be happening next, and perhaps this is what we are going to have to get used to. Still, I felt that with Closing Day happening this week, it felt the right mark the occasion and so I felt it was time to announce the inaugural "Entirely Unsanctioned Timaru Golf Club Annual Awards" The following awards are wholly subjective, and approved by the Awards Committee (run on the Brian Clough methodology of every committee requiring an odd number of members, and three being too many). There are no prizes, but should any of the worthy winners like a certificate, they will be provided at a prohibitively expensive cost in order to put the winners off making me do any extra work. (Please note that bribery of the Awards Committee in future is positively encouraged) No expense has been made in the production of these Awards, so you'll have to imagine your own drumrolls/fanfares at the appropriate times Therefore, without further ado..... The "Dexter Bounce" Award goes to...... (Voiceover voice - named in honour of a man with boomerang balls, happy to play out of bounds before the Fates decree this a violent aberration of the natural order of things and return the ball to it's rightful place within the course boundary) Mark Goodhew - for his second shot on number 14, which flew true towards the lake by the 15th green only to bounce on the rocks back onto dry land "It's gone in the lake" cried Brian Leonard "No, it hasn't" replied a smug Mark, who went on to win the shootout Congratulations, Mark (Ohhhh! A shock result this, Dexter clearly disappointed as he fails to win the award named after him in it's first outing, better luck next year Dex) And our next award is the "Dapper Chap" Award for the best dressed golfer on the course (An unusual award for the golfing scene, which is usually associated with the other end of the sartorial scale) And the winner is.... George Emond - (A worthy winner, the smartest man on and off the course, George will never be seen strutting his stuff in anything but the most stylish outfits) Our next award is the "Fashion Faux Pas" Award for egregious crimes against eyesight. (That's more like it, a competitive field here with a large number of contenders vying for this title) And the winner is....Dave Schrader (It had to be, this award will have been given for the repetitive use of the same combination of colours that should never; let me repeat that; never, be put together) Next we have the "Pedantic Sod" Award (provided to the member taking it all too seriously) and the winner is...... George Emond Again (A double winner!! Congratulations to Editor in Chief/Grammar Commentator, George who has kept me honest over the last year) The next award is the "Timaru Golf Club Higher Mathematics" Award (I have nothing to add here..snigger) And the winner is....Jimmy Annett (Jimmy famed for counting higher than anyone else on the course on any single hole, a truly magnificent mathematician) Our next award is the "Oh Woe is Me" Award for the golfer most likely to think the worst is about to happen (Indeed, and in golf, most of us are usually slightly surprised when it doesn't) The Winner is..... Ronnie Hobbs (a man who is never shy of a self-discouraging word, Ronnie "Hacker" Hobbs can talk himself out of almost any shot) The "Timaru Tiger" Award this year goes to.... . (The award for seemingly pointless swing alterations made by a golfer with too much time on their hands) Riegardt Du Plessis, better known as Doop (an excellent golfer who for reasons yet to become clear, decided to add a fade to his formidable arsenal with mixed results) Our next award is the "Keep a Safe Distance Award" for the angriest member of the club (another tightly fought contest this year, with several bouts of fury spotted throughout the year, across the course) and the winner is....Pete Shaw (and an excellent victory, congratulations to Pete for another fine effort, managing to be both quivering with rage, and smiling simultaneously) We're getting near the end now, and the next award is the "Potty Mouth of the Year" Award (the less said about this the better) And the Winner is......Dick Walton (another excellent winner in a field full of potential victors, but Dick has just pipped them all at the post with an impressive array of language that any Drill Sergeant would be proud of) Our final award is the "Richard Coles Searchlight" Award (In memory of the lovely Richard Coles who famously had 4 golfers searching for the golf ball he had forgotten to hit and was still in his pocket) And the winner is....Everyone! (Another surprise, as the award goes to all the members who have searched for a ball into the rough between 17 and 18. The balls are never to be seen again despite numerous fruitless futile searches - there are rumours of new civilisations being forged in there, formed from the raw materials supplied to them by our members, with the Bridgestonians said to be planning an offensive against the Titleistians and Srixonians - hard evidence of this is, however, hard to find) ...and that's it. The end of this years awards - I would like to remind you that bribery is accepted over the next 12 months - and I look forward to seeing next years results. As it is the end of the year, I would like to take this opportunity to thank all of the volunteers who put so much time and love into their work at the club, to the members for providing me with more material than I could reasonably expect, and to all of those readers who have passed on kind words about this ridiculous nonsense I spout each week, it is all greatly appreciated. Stay safe, play well, and I will see you out there soon Steve |